A new first..

Today was a new first. I usually celebrate the firsts. The first smile, the first laugh, the first time sitting up, rolling over, standing up, walking, running, the first "I love you"... but today was a different first. Today, for the first time, Jack said, "I hate you Mommy." In that 1.3 seconds my heart broke. I know that's a lot to put on a 3 year old - the ability to break a grown woman's heart - but he did break my heart. I walked out of his room, fulfilling his request to be alone, going into my own room and crumbling into a pile of sadness, laying on the bed bawling like a 16 year old who just learned that her crush likes someone else. After a few moments, however, I realized that he, too, was hurting. Maybe not hurting in the same way, but hurting in such a way that he felt he had to use a word he didn't really know, didn't know the weight or full meaning of, but knew it was bad and wanted to use it to hurt me. So up I pulled myself from the bed, pulled myself to my feet, stood up like a big girl, and walked into his room. I collected him in my arms, kicking and screaming, angry with me, laid him on the bed, and I sang. And he protested. And I sang. And he protested. And I told him I love him more than he'll ever know. And eventually he acquiesced. And he told me he loved me. And I was still hurt, but I realize this is not the last time he will say those words, and it was not the last time I would be hurt by this little man. And it will all be ok. 

I'm talking to myself

I pretty much love the phase Jack is going through right now. On a regular basis we'll hear him talking away, and when I ask him to repeat himself he replies with, "Mommy, I'm talking to myself." And he is. He's talking about things that happened, things that never happened, things he wishes would happen, etc., Sometime he even complains about me and my husband - to himself. I guess that's what's so fun is that he suddenly has this full and complete sense of self. It's just so interesting to me to think of him as a little person, no longer a baby..

It's getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger...

You know what they say about little boys - above all else they love their penises. Well, that is true enough in the Smith household. 


The other day, as we were sitting on the sofa, Jack in the middle, Chris to his left, me to his right, he turned to me and said, "Hey, Mommy, sometimes, when I'm sitting here, my penis, it just gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger. When I'm a big big boy it's gonna be HUGE! It won't even fit in my undies." Me: Um, ah, ok... Daddy can tell you all about that...


Another great Jackism... "Mommy, sometimes when the teachers have to wipe my penis with wipes it gets longer and longer." Me: Um, ah, ok... Daddy can tell you all about that...